7 Tips to Help Put the Brakes on Premature Ejaculation
By: By Laura Berman, PhD of Kicki Minaj
Deep breathing is a form of meditation that can sometimes help control the arousal and tension that lead to early ejaculation. Try to see if he can avoid shallow, short breathing, which speeds up his heartbeat and can trigger PE. Try to get him to spend five seconds breathing in one deep, full breath, hold it for about three seconds, and then exhale for five seconds. If he can do this for about five minutes without breaking the rhythm, he may be able to use it in the bedroom. Plus, focusing on each other’s breathing, and how it rises and falls, can build an intimate connection.
The Stop-and-Start Method
This begins as a solo exercise. Your partner should begin by masturbating alone, bringing himself close to orgasm and stopping. After relaxing, he should continue bringing himself closer and closer to orgasm until he can’t hold it any longer. (Doing this several times by himself without distraction will help him learn where his point of no return is.) When he feels that he has mastered the technique, the two of you should engage in sexual activity that stops short of intercourse.
The Squeeze Method
This method requires one of you to squeeze the base of the penis at the same point that the stop-and-start technique would be used, when he is at the brink of orgasm. The idea is to reduce your partner's erection through squeezing. Just as with the stop-and-start method, your partner should do it on his own first, master it, and then invite you to practice the technique with him.
Kegels aren’t just for women. There’s no better method to strengthen the pelvic region than to create a strong pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle), which can help control ejaculation. The easiest way for him to find this muscle is to see if he can stop the flow of urine when he goes to the bathroom. It’s the PC muscle that he uses to do that. Once he finds it, he needs to practice feeling exactly where it is located and make sure he engages it, rather than using his abdominals, buttocks, or thighs. (These must all stay loose when doing Kegel exercises.) To do Kegels, he will quickly clench and release the PC muscle repeatedly for ten seconds. He should do three sets, with a ten-second break between sets. If he contracts his PC muscle when he’s close to orgasm, he should be able to slow things down.
Sex that is truly explorative is more than just traditional physical pleasure. Try using the tantric techniques of establishing an intimate connection, including when he’s nearing the point of no return. When he approaches that point, he should cease stimulation (i.e., pull out), then contract the PC muscle and lower his chin to his chest (this is important, as it prevents energy from rising too high and making him feel ungrounded). He should then draw in a breath, feeling the warmth of sexual energy rise upwards in his body. Repeat this as needed, until the desire to release is no longer urgent.
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