Do you have children nearby? Are there puppies playing within petting distance? Are the plethora of cat videos you anxiously awaited to push play for until they stopped buffering, all meow-tastic right meow?
Well then, you better put them away (I vote for the pantry) because after reading this tale, you will go into a murderous rage not seen since I asked out Molly McGruder to the Winter Formal and she told me, "I'll let you know" and... She. Never. Did. Oh yes, I took it out on my Star Trek figurines that Friday night, oh yes indeed, for Mr. Spock's ears will never be the same. My therapist tells me he never felt anything, but.. how could he possibly know that?
We played, Kicki Minaj, a newcomer team with the balls to say, "yea, let's play". They took the field and promptly showed us what it'd be like if we played against Pele and his set of clones. The first inning they touched home plate a number totaling somewhere North of "We're F'd".
We finally got some of them out (I believe the number is 3, but my mind was numb by then) and was our turn. What happened? Three up.. three shamefully out. It was a pattern that would repeat.
They're up again, and oh, what's that? We play as if we've never seen a red bouncing ball? As if the rules were lost upon us? As if throwing it to the pitcher seemed like an outlandish feat? It was so
bad.. imagine you were going to catch a pop up, it's coming down toward you, you outstretch your arms and open them wide.. and the ball lands.. behind you. There was shame for all, it was a time of
mourning, reflecting and to revisit alcoholism from when we last left it, right there on Tuesday afternoon.
Eventually, we did get some points, but that's because Kicki put up their D team. Yep, a mixed group of 2nd graders with vision problems. Some kicks were done, bases were run but at that point, it was more like pity scores they gave us. We finished this mess: 5 runs to a bajillionty.
However, they pretty much didn't show for flip cup, so we continue to dominate.
Now, if you excuse me, I must finish my Coors Light as I sit precariously upon this roof's edge of the local McDonald's.