May 14, 2013

President's Corner

Now that we're a couple weeks in I figured that I could bestow upon everyone some knowledge.  Kickball rules from the one and only, your president, Kicklord Johnson!

The first rule of kickball is...you do talk about kickball. The second rule of kickball is...you DO talk about kickball! Now that that's out of the way…

3When you kick the ball, RUN YOUR ASS to first. ~No one has been called safe at first because they watched the ball dribble into the outfield and pranced to first. Bitch this ain't hopscotch! And since you can't kick a HR, save your Big Papi stare and trot for another sport. Move your ass. (A little aggressive I know)

4Know when you need to run. ~I have been the victim of this many times resulting in senseless outs. We don't need a suicide squeeze at every possible chance. This is why we have base coaches. And ladies if there's a guy in front of you, make sure to watch your burning speed and not catch up to him. We know this would never happen with a guy catching our girls, they're just too fast. On that note...

5Run aggressively, not stupidly. ~Push it around the bases. This is especially true if there's no one in front of you and you have a true sense of your speed and willingness to slide. If you're slow and/or unwilling to slide we'll all be happy with your safe single.

6. When you take the field, play defense! ~We want everyone to play who wants to play. If you don't want to be close to the action, try the outfield and place yourself between two trusted people. If you can handle catching the ball and making the throw to first then you're welcome to join us in the infield. And if you can handle balls in your face (1 at a time) then hop on over to first. However, we will not be holding tryouts late in the game when it's close. 

7Catchers have to be ready for the bunt and plays at home! ~It's important that in bunting situations you can pick up the ball and throw it to first, third, or even protect home. The third basemen should be ready as well to help in bunting situations. Catchers you also have to talk shit to the kickers...duh.

8Communicate ~Call for the ball, talk about the outs, make fun of the kicker, know where the play is at, and tell jokes in the outfield. But remember, if you're going for the ball, call for it so we don't get injured. Don't be afraid of the ball, its rubber. The humiliation will last far longer! Just kidding! The worst that'll happen is you get iced (that's pretty bad) or you take a shot (that's pretty good). No one will remember how you royally screwed up by the next inning. Except for the eye in the sky, it sees everything.

94 Girls ~Anywhere on the field, just need four. Be sure to rotate so that everyone gets a chance to play in the field. 

10. Make friends! Make memories! ~ Because only nine rules seems incomplete. And no one likes someone that can't finish.

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