It is time! In the mighty spirit of Oden: Kickball has begun. Bow down do we before his imperial power and kinda manish beard (because honestly, how manly can a blonde beard really be?) and prepare for
many weeks of grueling duels of balls being kicked and cups being flipped. But yet, we were not fancied with Oden's blessing in weather. No, for outside it was cold and bitter, like lemonade made by a 3rd grade girl. Oh Yes, we defied this bitter brew with our presence and by the grace of Michelle "I got bumps" and her short shorts, we realized.. we couldn't complain if she wasn't.
We assembled to discover our shirt color this year is hot pink, because.. why not. And, we had puffy paint on them too, because, why not. But... no rhinestones which naturally begged the question... why not? We donned (And bradded, but mostly donned) our uniforms and begun the game in earnest against TILF and their mad dog pitcher, Mark "Stompy McGee".
What you are about to embark upon is a tale of misbegotten advantages, of perilous catches, runs to no where and refs who were not blessed with the gift of seeing. I have 4 eyes, I coulda lent them 2.
We came up to kick, Laurie "Daaaaaaaamn Girl"started us off, all fierce, brave and footy. That first inning, not much came of it, no one got past 1st. On the field, Hillary "Pitches ain't for Bitches" took the mound and mostly pitched inside the cones. Hey, she kept them guessing, I liked her strategy as I took the catcher position. Aghast! For TILF was on base and before long, here comes Mark "I'm gunna wreck your foot" and he did just that as he stomped on this author's not at all crowding the plate, yet gorgeous looking, foot. It hurt. I cried, but I'm a man, so the tears were on the inside of my body.
We continued to have solid defense. Newbie Dave "We're Not In Kansas Anymore" was clutch at 3rd base, grabbing, holding and throwing balls very well. Michelle "put your balls on my chest" easily handled first. At second base, Mike "When I sport Sunglasses, Damn, I look good" got some crucial outs. And, in center right, Nando "I will OWN YOU in Flip Cup" went to catch a deep ball, however, it went through his arms, but bounced off his "smooth jazz like" pelvic thrusts and went right to Mike at 2nd base for a hilariously well done out.
Caroline "I ain't short, I'm fun sized" at short stopped some plays from becoming worserer for us plays. Laurie "I get inside the cones" took over for pitching and helped to hold TILF to 2 runs. Scott, Sara and Brock all did their kicking best in a bold attempt to woo us. Well, for this author at least, it worked. Alas, we couldn't score. We had bases loaded at one point, but an out at 2nd dashed our dreams of getting the runs going. We couldn't get the runs, we had too much fiber apparently.
However, vindication was soon wretched upon TILF as a very well played Flip Cup game ensued at Darby's. Most were 1-2 flippers and the last game came down to Andrew "I'm gunna Flip yo Ass" flipped the last flip just in time for victory! The look on his face was inspiring, insightful and will be used in training manuals for how to intimidate Bears.