May 8, 2015

Twin Cities: Kick This (Wk 1)

Yes!  The ancient mythic fairy tales are true, a long time ago... there were.. balls.  

And, don't believe your grandmother Myrtle, for these were not saintly balls.  These balls, even while resting upon a freshly rained upon minimally maintenanced soccer field in 1st tier suburbia America, knew of danger, excitement and nymph like frollickiness.  

Those who cast their gaze upon these mighty red, mostly tight n' bouncy (unless Brady got his handsome hands on them) balls thought they were merely instruments of fun.  No, for these balls awaited the action about to befall them, much like mine did at the Junior High Dance with Cindy Speldman.. just minus the sweat, 8 curly, seemingly misplaced hairs, and awkward horniness we all know.  Oh, not all?  Then most.  Oh, it's quite unheard of?  Ok, then a few.  What's that?  This is a unique case and should be referred to scientists?  I'll get right on that.

But yes, for tis the beginning of Balls to the Face, Balls to the chest, Balls to the tips of your feet, Balls Balls Balls everywhere Season, and we began it in style.  On field 1, Kick This battled Ball So Hard.  While they looked fierce, like a turtle, we knew we could beat them in a majority of instances.  
They had the nerve to kick first, and, in so doing, scored 3 runs, despite solid defense. They did, however, leave the bases loaded, and that, we take as a victory for the inning.  

On offense, newcomer Ray "I'm a Pro Flipper" got on base, followed by Joline "C".  I, Ryan L., came up to boot and advanced the runners, bases loaded, y'all.  Chad "I'm Gunna Kick U" came up booted one deep to right for a sacrifice, scoring Ray and Joline, I slide, immaculately (even Mary would've been impressed) to third. Coty "Ninja Moves" came up and scored this cat. The game, now tied. Andrew "I Don't Need Cleats" came up to kick and as he rounded third for what would be a triple, slipped and essentially ate shit. We mocked him, but playfully so those verbal wounds will only sorta fester. 

As the game progressed, Andrew "My Beard Makes me Handsomer" caught a nice one at third. Michelle "Grips Dem Balls" had an excellent outing at 1st.  Ray "Don't Mind the Mad Moves, It's Merely Evolution at Work" bobbled, jostled then coddled a ball (I'm blushing) for a great out.  

Hillary "The Shelf Is Back!" while she let a ball go between her legs, (let's be honest, she's used to things going between them and so she had to fight her natural tendency) but, totally made up for it with a great catch at short, stopping the Not-Us-Team from scoring. 

The Game tied... they have runners on 2nd and 3rd with just 1 out.. all they had to do was boot it deep.  And.. they did, like a bunch of jerks. But, the rules of the game escaped their runners knowledge (notably, Randi, at 2nd) and they didn't tag up.  Chad threw it in and got an out at 2nd. To end the game.. in a tie.  While Jesus clearly hates a non winner, we'll take a tie!

Redemption came back on drunken Mich Golden Light Wings with our victory in flip 3-1.  They. Were. Humbled.


Ryan L.

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